The UUA's statement of principles for member congregations cites "acceptance of one another". That sounds good, but every time I think I know what is meant by "acceptance", the concept slips away.

I want to talk about what we mean by "acceptance". I find dictionary definitions to be cold and sterile, and would rather talk about our personal understanding of, and experience with, acceptance. Some questions to consider:

• Does acceptance mean uncritical approval? envy? celebration?
• How does tolerance relate to acceptance?
• How is acceptance demonstrated?
• If you ask someone to accept you, what are you asking for?
• If someone asks you to accept them, what are you willing to give?
• Whatever your understanding of acceptance, do you feel accepted in all precincts of your life -- birth family, current family, work, school, church, volunteer activity, social groups, etc? How does acceptance or lack thereof affect your functioning in that setting?

Probably no one observing our group would identify us as a bunch of addicts. However, according to ideas postulated by Gerald G. May in his Addiction & Grace, first published in 1988, that is what we are.

May contends, “The psychological, neurological and spiritual dynamics of full-fledged addiction are actively at work within every human being.The same processes that are responsible for addiction to alcohol and narcotics are also responsible for addiction to ideas, work, relationships, power, moods, fantasies and a variety of other things.”

May defines addiction as ”any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human desire. It is caused by the attachment, or nailing, of desire to specific objects. — (It) exists wherever persons are internally compelled to give energy to things that are not their true desires.”

Questions for your consideration:

• How much impact has addiction had on my life?
• What are my addictions? How do they hinder or serve my well-being?
• Identifying a specific personal addictive behavior or preoccupation, would my life be appreciatively different without it? In what way or ways?
• Viewing addiction as broadly as May does, is it possible to live free of its influence?

The topic for our discussion is Anger.

• What are the uses of anger?
• When does it serve me? How?
• When does it not serve me? How?
• Can anger be transformed? How?

I would like to discuss our relationship with animals. We may not spend much time thinking about animals -- we are generally more concerned with people. But, visible or not, animals are everywhere in our lives. None of us passes a single human day without the companionship, nourishment or utilization of animals.

I plan to start the discussion with our individual stories of animals whom we have interacted with or animals who have had an impact on our lives or who have helped us to gain insight into something. Was there a pet, or a farmed animal you remember whose memory stays with you? Is there a story, real or fiction, involving animals that opened your eyes to something perviously not understood? In what way have you been shaped by animals?

Then I'd like for us to step back and speak generally about the human - animal relationship. Our society interacts with animals in myriad ways, but in almost all instances the relationship is that of dominance. Clearly, animals are ours to exploit in what ever way we wish. Even when we choose to love or even to worship animals it is almost always under our terms. I'd like to discuss why it is that -- as is commonly believed -- humans are superior to animals. And, why it is -- as our leading religion teaches us -- we believe that we have been granted dominion over them.

What is art? I spend considerable time and money involved in art of one sort or another. Yet every time my monthly Art News comes, I look and read about works that raise this question for me. As a guide to thinking about the topic, I suggest the questions below:

• What are the human endeavors that you personally think of as art?
• Why do humans create art? Does art have a single universal purpose or can it have dual or multiple purposes?
• Is there a relationship between socioeconomic development and art?
• What is the relationship between art and reality? Does art represent reality or nature? Can art be an escape from reality? can art be seen as a vehicle of changing reality or a protest against current reality?
• Can utilitarian objects be works of art? Does using artistic creations in a utilitarian way diminish their value as art, like using classical music in a cartoon or commercial?
• Ought art to be beautiful? Uplifting/inspiring?
• What is the relationship between art and religion/spirituality?
• Why do you think that art has been linked to various therapies -- art therapy, music therapy, dance/movement therapy, drama therapy, writing therapy?
• What do you get out of art that comes from cultural or religious traditions that are different from your own?
• How important do you think it is that new generations experience art from many years of history? How important that new generations be given opportunities to create art? Which do you think is more important -- that new generations gain knowledge about art or that they be given opportunities to create their own art?
• What is the relationship of art to other subjects traditionally taught in school? What is art's relative importance?

I purposely did not number these questions because I wanted the group to discuss those each responded to because I don't think we are likely to get to all of them. I do hope some of them challenge your thinking?

Using your own definitions of "best" and "worst",

• What has been the best period of your life e.g. childhood, teens, last month, etc?
• Why?
• And what has been the worst?
• Why?
• How have those times affected others?

You may recall one of my favorite quotations: "If you can't stand solitude, perhaps you bore others, too." We've examined solitude; now let's take a look at boredom.

Some questions to consider:

• Are you ever bored? Often? Seldom? Never?
• If so, under what circumstances? When you are alone, or with others?
• What kinds of people bore you? "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you."
• How has the new technology changed boredom? "Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible."
• Is boredom a bad thing?
• I suspect Buddhism offers some insights on the subject.

"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything." Voltaire

Our topic for our next meeting is Change. Please consider these questions.

• What were you like as a child? What was your favorite activity, subject in school, game, hobby or dream for the future?
• In what ways have you changed as you have grown older?
• Have you ever wanted to change in some way and experienced resistance whether from yourself or those around you? What were you trying to change?
• It is a given that we will change over time. How we change is determined, in part, by our choices. Given the necessity of change, how would you like to see yourself change over time? How will your choices now determine those changes?

We all face change – it’s inevitable! How do we deal with it?

Discussion Questions:

• How do you feel about change?
• How do you handle change?
• Have you ever had a bad change turn out to be a good thing?
• Have you ever tried to make someone change? Was it successful? How did it make the other person feel?
• Have you tried to change something and failed? Have you kept trying?
• How have you been successful in changing? What tools did you use?
• Have you ever wanted to change something, but don’t know how?
• What one thing would you change if you knew you couldn’t fail?
• Have you ever changed your position on a strongly held belief? What led to the change? How did you feel when you made the change?

“I put a dollar into the change machine – nothing happened!” – George Carlin

What is your understanding of civic responsibility? Some thought to consider:

• Is civic responsibility incumbent upon everybody?
• What does civic responsibility require in addition to voting?
• Do you see a connection between your UU faith and civic responsibility?
• Can an individual be very private, even reclusive, and still have civic responsibility?
• Is the civic responsibility incumbent on a public official different from that incumbent upon a private citizen?
• What is/should be the goal or ideal toward which civic responsibility is directed?
• At what point in one's life does one learn civic responsibility? At what time does one begin to practice it?
• Does civic responsibility require that one help others who may be less fortunate or in need?
• Does civic responsibility extend beyond the borders on one's country?
• Can you describe a person or persons who exhibit a high degree of civic responsibility? How is this person different from ordinary people?

If you were to prioritize the following important responsibilities, in what order would you put them, with the first being the highest priority? Explain your ranking.

• Financial responsibility
• Civic responsibility
• Family responsibility
• Responsibility to spouse or significant other
• Responsibility to yourself
• Responsibility to human beings worldwide
• Responsibility to the environment

Since an unabridged dictionary shows at least 12 definitions for “commitment,” I’d like each of you to remember and jot down the first thing that came to your mind when you read the announcement of this week’s topic. We’ll begin our discussion with a quick around-the-circle sharing of those first impressions.

Commitments come in all sizes, from telling the dentist, “Yes, I’ll floss more often,” to promising to engage in practices that lead to attaining Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings. They can be short term, life-long or, as in the previous example, intended to continue through all subsequent incarnations.

Looking at your own life, what commitments do you currently have that you cherish? Conversely, are there any you wish you did not have?

Are there significant commitments you held earlier that you have let go? If so, what and why?

Do you give equal value to commitments made to/for yourself and those made to or involving other people, organizations, or activities? Do you give equal value to commitments made to and/or for yourself and those that involve others? If not, which is of greater importance to you?

I want to explore our ideas of community. Here are some questions to get the juices running:

• What is your definition of community?
• What are your communities? What do your communities have in common? Are all of your communities intentional?
• Have your communities changed over your lifetime? If so, how and why did they change?
• If you were to form a community, how would you go about it? What or whom would you include?
• Why do we need community?
• What is your most satisfying experience of community?
• What are the main benefits you look for in joining a community? What do you expect to give in return?
• Much has been written lately about the impact of computers and modern communication technologies upon community life. What has been your experience of the impact of new technologies? What do you predict will be the impact in the future?
• Recall an incident in your life where a community you belonged to drew a line and excluded others from membership. How did you feel? What were the consequences?

This should get us started.

I came across this story and it made me think about Competition. I had a strong reaction to the students who created a new way of playing a competitive game and I’d like to talk about it further.

An elementary age group of students were playing a game in their class. They tied balloons around their ankles and then tried to pop the balloons of others but keep yours unpopped. The students had fun playing and determining a winner who could pop others balloons but protect his own. A group of students with cognitive disabilities joined the class to play another round. The students with disabilities had lots of fun, but they cheered each other on to pop their balloons- offering the balloon to a fellow student and laughing at attempts and success to pop the balloons. The second group of students changed the premise of the game from popping others balloons to knock them out of the game to taking joy from actually popping and seeing the balloons pop. The competition was no longer there.

Are you competitive? Are you drawn toward competition or do you shy away from it?

What assumptions might we have about competitive people?

What do we gain from competition? What might we lose when we refrain from competing?

How does competition align with your values? How does it align with UU Principles?

Is conversation a dying art? Why? Why not? Does it matter? Why? Why not? What are the elements and characteristics of a good conversation? What prevents a conversation from being a "good" one? Can the art of conversation be taught?

On the time scale of the history of the Earth an individual human lifetime is a mere blink of an eye. We're born, we live, and we die--then we are heard no more. Our meeting takes place, appropriately near Halloween, a date supposedly on which the thin veil between the living and the dead is drawn back and the two states are closer than any other time. Some questions occurred to me in no particular order of importance.

• If we're all going to be dead in the end anyway, what difference does it make what we do with our lives?
• Does the finality of death make life meaningless?
• Do you advocate a Living Will?
• Are there special rites or ceremonies performed you wish to see when you or a person dear to you dies?
• Do you believe in life after death?
• Do you think that there is anything worth dying for?
• Do you want to know the date of your death? Why or why not?
• How do you cope with the death of someone special?
• Will you make an organ donation at your death?
• Do you believe in physician-assisted suicide?
• Is there any person you would die for in order to save? Who is it?
• Is the death of a loved one a joyful or a sorrowful occasion?
• What are your beliefs pertaining to a person's soul once they have died?
• What do you think of suicide?
• What do you think would happen if there were no death for human beings?
• Where do we go when we die?
• If you were on death row, what would you request for your last meal?
• If you could choose how you were going to die, what would you choose your death to be?
• What do you think of cryogenics?
• Why are so many people afraid of death when it is unavoidable?
• On account of your beliefs or some other reason, do you look forward to dying?
• Have you ever had to put a pet to sleep?
• Do you believe that you will be born again?
• What should you say to someone who has lost a loved one?
• Why is facing death a difficult experience?
• Do you think people should be cremated or buried?
• Do you think the grieving process is different for different ages?

So pick a favorite question or one that made you think and let's discuss it.

Deception is lying, and basically a negative term. Yet we all seem to do it. We know that there are times when we feel a ‘white lie’ is okay. Most of us would agree with “Honesty is the Best Policy” yet deception happens everywhere in our daily lives.

Do you try to live your life without deception?

How do we manage deception in our lives? Big and little events occur all the time from the deception of government officials in various scandals to the deception of someone making an excuse as to why they can’t join a meeting. Do we feel the need to point out deception in others?

Do you have guidelines you use to help decide if a lie is okay? What about when the deception is for a positive outcome like giving someone a surprise gift, supporting someone with a not so truthful compliment?

What about the deception of omission, knowing we just not say something and feel like we are still in a good place in terms of our relationship or moral values?

The research about self deception suggests that those with a low ability for self deception had a higher chance of being depressed. In what ways might you sometimes use self deception for positive reasons?

Over your lifetime, you will make an uncountable number of decisions. Most of them will be small and have short-lived effect. Deciding what you're going to eat for dinner, or what movie you'll rent to watch tonight, of where to fill your car with gas won't have an effect on you much past today or this week.

But then there are decisions that will affect the rest of your life. The path you follow because you attended College X is entirely different than the one you would know if you had gone to University Y. The same is true for choosing a career and job, for choosing a spouse, for deciding when or if to start a family, and for other large decisions you have faced or will face.

I want to talk about how we make those large decisions. To prepare for our meeting, please consider one or two large decisions you've made in your life and how you arrived at the choice you made. Some questions to consider:

• Did you choose after a thorough analysis of the alternatives, or did you choose based on how the alternatives "felt" to you?
• Did you make that choice as an act of rebellion, or was it the natural next step in your life?
• Did you appreciate the gravity of the choice you were facing? What was the dominant emotion you experienced when you faced that choice?
• Did that decision succeed? i.e. is your life after that decision a match for how you see yourself?

An issue we deal with ever day in our lives! This came out of a discussion about AIG paying out bonuses after the government bailout.

• AIG paid out bonuses to many employees after screwing up their company and receiving taxpayer money to keep them in business. Was that ethical?
• What about the people receiving the bonuses – should they have turned them down? If they do, is it ethical to let their family down that may have been counting on that money?
• Many people are motivated by their religion. The prospect of going to hell is a great motivator to be ethical! What about UU’s and other religions that don’t believe in hell, what motivates them to be good?
• A high school swimming champion wins a race, but fails to touch the wall as required. No one saw him, but he tells the judges anyways and is disqualified. Has he been good for nothing?
• At a service club luncheon, the members’ discussion focuses not on how to better serve the community, but on how little credit they received for their recent donations. The members’ attitude boils down to this: if they’re going to do good, they better get something for it. They do not consider the possibility of being good for the sake of being good. What motivates these people? Are the good deeds tainted by the attitude of the club members?
• Have you ever done a good deed, and were disappointed when you didn’t get praise?
• What’s your personal motivator? What keeps you on the ethical path?

We absorb the values, practices, and goals of a society or culture by conforming to the expectations of the existing members. We become the people we are, in large part, by conforming to – or resisting – the expectations of parents, siblings, teachers, clergy, coaches, and people in similar relationships.

I want to talk about the expectations that contributed to us being the people we are, the expectations of those closest to us. Some questions to consider:

• What expectations did you face when you were young? Were they a burden? An interesting challenge? A desired goal?
• Were you able to meet those expectations, or did you resist?
• How has that turned out for you?
• What expectations do you now face? Do expectations change with age?
• What expectations do you place on other people?

The topic will be "Time". Some of the questions I would like us to explore are:

• Does time tend to control your life, or help you to manage it? Could you ignore time for even 24 hours?
• Does time seem to "fly" sometimes, or to "stand still"? Are those even valid concepts?
• How would you define time if we had no clocks or calendars - would life be better? Or worse? In what ways? What might you do differently? How would it affect your work? Would if affect your personal relationships, and if so, how?
• Have you ever "lost" time while working on a project, or at a hobby, or while in thought? What that a good feeling, or did you have to rush to catch up? Catch up to what, and why rush?

In an article in the winter 2008 issue of UU World magazine, a former executive director of Amnesty International talks about some of the powerful and sophisticated world leaders he's had reason to know. He talks about heads of state, politicians, business people, famous actors and actresses, news media stars, and highly successful people of all stripes. He says:

Here's the secret: they're all scared. Every single one of them. And if they don't look scared, it's just because they are excellent actors, or strangers to feelings.

The comment grabbed my attention, because I've been scared. A lot. And I'm curious about others' experience of fear.

I want to talk about fear, especially the recurring background fear that can have a long-term effect on your life. Some questions to consider:

• What, if anything, are you afraid of?
• How does it affect your life?
• How do you deal with it?
• Has it ever been debilitating?
• Have you ever failed to get something you really wanted because you were too scared to act on the want?

The topic I want to discuss at our next meeting is the intersection of two topics we've talked about in the past.

Several years ago, we talked about forgiveness. We didn't get very far into the topic before the evening was over but, as I recall, we seemed to conclude that forgiveness for small offenses required a sincere apology, a promise that it would never happen again, and an agreement, spoken or unspoken, that the people involved would consider the offense to have never happened. We left it at that.

At a meeting several months ago, we talked about the worst times in our lives. Some of those times involved very serious or life-changing events. They are the kinds of events that will divide one's life into before and after, but no one seems to be "stuck" at their particular event. Everyone seems to have moved past it and lived a full life since that time. Everyone, in short, seems to have forgiven the offender, at least to some degree and in some sense of the word.

Those life-changing events cannot be treated as a minor offense. It would be grotesque, a betrayal of one's self, to try to pretend that the event never happened. One has to acknowledge the significance of the event, so the above model of forgiveness won't work.

I want to talk about how we forgive major offenses. Some questions to get us started:

• Why did you decide to forgive? What would it have cost you to not forgive?
• If you were the offended person, how did you forgive the offender? What does forgiveness for a major offense look like? How does one demonstrate/live forgiveness?
• If you were the offending party, how did you accept the other's forgiveness? What does it require of you to acknowledge your actions?
• Was it ever necessary for you to forgive yourself? How did you do that? How did it change your understanding of yourself?

People often face a situation where they hold another’s fate in their hands. When someone has “done you wrong”, do you forgive or seek punishment?

Discussion Question:

• Have you ever been seriously harmed by another person (everyone has their own definition of “seriously, I’ll leave that up to you to decide). How did it affect your life?
• Have you been faced with a situation where your decision would affect the rest of someone else’s life?
• The other person made the decision to do what they did. Should I care what happens to them? They created their own situation, didn’t they?
• I feel that some people should be punished for their actions, but teachings I have read say that I should turn the other cheek, forgive and move on. Is it possible to truly forgive another’s transgressions against you? Do we owe it to society to see that the wrong doer is punished?
• How will our choices affect the other person’s family? Again, should I worry about that?
• How do we explain our decision to others? Do I owe people outside my family an explanation?
• How will our decision affect my family down the line? Will I come to regret the decision?
• How will our decision affect our relationship with people that know us and the offender? They’ll be put in a situation where they must choose, and we’re in a position where we will come in future contact with the offender and their friends.

I want to talk about how we cope with ageing.

As we grow from children to adults, we develop an image of ourselves. Part of that image is what we are physically and part is what we are mentally. The physical image might involve beliefs like "I'm attractive", "I'm an athlete", "I have this or that limitation". The mental image might involve beliefs like "I'm smart", "I'm good with people", "I'm terrible with numbers".

Our understanding of what we are will change as we get older. Physical decline is inevitable, and mental decline is common. Some questions to consider for the discussion:

• Describe your image of yourself. What age are you in that image?
• How has ageing changed your image of yourself? If you're still close to the age you are in your image of yourself, how do you think ageing will change that image?
• How have you coped with the physical changes involved in getting older? Or you do you thnk you'll deal with them?

My muse in choosing this topic was none other than the irascible Maxine, who has something to say on almost every topic. We know that young and old are relative terms. Since members of this group are presently different ages, we recognize that in using these terms, we will not be referring to the exact same age and may ask each other for clarification.

I suspect all of you have thought about this topic at some time or other, since aging is happening to all of us. However, I am posing the following questions for your consideration:

• Can you remember a time when you wanted to be very much older than you were?
• What benefit did you think you would gain as a result of being older? When you reached that age (if you have), did you realize that benefit?
• Now that you are older, have you ever wanted to be younger? What was appealing about returning to that age?
• What are some of the disadvantages or fears you associate with aging? Have you taken any practical steps to deal with these?
• Have you experienced or do you see any benefits to growing older? What are some of them?
• Many people are continuing paid work to older ages than previously. What does working have to do with your idea of being old?
• We are told that our culture is preoccupied with youth and staying young. What evidence do you see of this emphasis?
• On the other hand, senior citizens' strength at the ballot box has garnered many advantages for them. What evidence do you see of perhaps disproportionate attention to and funding of senior benefits?
• If you could choose to be any age other than your present age, what age would it be and why?

For our next meeting, I want to talk about gratitude. Some questions to consider:

• What are the main elements in your life -- people, events, circumstances, opportunities, etc -- for which you are grateful?
• How does that gratitude manifest itself in your life?
• Is there any element for which you are so grateful that you feel the need to "pay back"? If so, what is that element,and how are you paying it back?

Happiness is defined as “the quality or state of being happy; pleasure, contentment. joy.” A standard definition also includes,”delighted, pleased or glad over a particular thing.”

My parents subscribed to The Reader’s Digest. During what I thought of as the bleakest time in my mother’s life—unexpectedly widowed and caring for my incontinent, dementia stricken grandmother—Mama called to tell me that she’d just taken one of the tests characteristic of that magazine.The test was titled, “How Happy a Person Are You?” She joyously told me that it showed she was at the top of the chart, a very happy person.

Questions for your consideration:

• Do you think of yourself as a happy person? What does that mean?
• How do you experience happiness in your own life? When you are alone? When you are with others?
• Do you consider happiness a luxury, perhaps the result of good fortune?
• How important do you think it is for physical and emotional health?

When our daughter came home from a trip to Disney World, she announced that she wanted to live there. When we asked her why, she replied “Because everyone is so happy there!”

Discussion Questions:

• What is happiness anyways? How do you define happiness? How do you know when you’re happy?
• Lots of people have life much worse than me, and I’m thankful for everything I have – but occasionally I find myself unhappy and upset about how things are going. Do you get caught up in this? How do you deal with it?
• Can you truly be happy if you’re not happy with yourself?
• Have you ever been surprised that something you thought would make you happy didn’t (or vice-versa)?
• Do you consciously work at being happy?

My topic is FUN. This quote popped up in something I'm reading: If it's not fun, you're not doing it right! The quote's not important in and of itself--only that it was my entrance into thinking about FUN. I have a few questions to get the "FUN" juices started--but as always the evening seems to have a personality of its own.

• What kinds of things do you do for fun?
• What are your top five ways to have fun?
• Was fun a part of your family's life together time? What did your family do for fun?
• Has your idea of fun changed over the years? How? Why?
• Is fun important to you? Where does fun place on your priority list? How much time do you devote to fun?
• Does your fun usually include other people or are you a lone fun person? Some of both?
• Do you prefer organized fun or spontaneous fun?

One of my mother’s sisters was a Roman Catholic nun for sixty-some years. Her order gave her teaching assignments from Pennsylvania to North Carolina. She would teach in one place for several years, and then be reassigned to another place for several more years.

With that mobility in mind, I one time asked her what she thought of as home. She had two ideas of home: there was the local place where she slept and ate and spent free time and attended to personal needs, and then there was what she called “home in the world”, which was something fundamental to identity.

America is a mobile society. It’s common for people to relocate several times in their lives. In fact, most of the members of this group were born and raised somewhere other than Elgin. I often wonder what that mobility means to people’s sense of self.

I want to talk about what we think of as “home in the world”. Some questions to get us started:

• What do you think of as home? Is it a particular house and surrounding land? A geographic location? A particular group of people? Something else?
• How does your idea of home influence your understanding of yourself?
• How do you adapt if what you think of as home isn’t available to you any more?
• Can that basic understanding of home change?

The topic for discussion Tuesday will be HOPE. Some thoughts and questions for you to ponder:

• As a child growing up Roman Catholic, I was taught that there are three theological virtues: Faith, Hope, and Charity/Love. In what sense is Hope a virtue, as we think of virtues?
• For traditional Christians, Faith, particularly in an afterlife, gives them cause for Hope. Many UUs do not believe in an afterlife; what, then, gives them Hope?
• In the dedication of his book, THE ANATOMY OF HOPE, to his children, the author asks "What greater hope do we have than our children?" To what extent do we look to the next generation to give us Hope? What is a source of Hope for those who have no children?
• Even before the introduction to the book, the author retells briefly the story of Pandora, who succumbs to temptation, opens the box, and releases all the curses and blessings into the world EXCEPT HOPE! The author writes "Without hope, mortals could not endure." Why should such a foundational place be accorded to Hope?
• A while ago, a member of this group told us about her decision to go into hospice care. She said her condition was terminal and she had no hope of recovery or improvement. What might give her or someone in a situation like hers reason to Hope?
• The book contains the chapter "False Hope, True Hope". In your opinion or experience, what is the difference between false hope and true hope? Are there times when false hope can be justified? If so, when?
• In the introduction to his book, HOPE DIES LAST, Studs Terkel says, "Hope has never trickled down. It has always sprung up." What do you think he means by this comment? Can government give people cause to hope? For example, did Churchill and Roosevelt give people cause for hope in the worst days of WWII?
• For several years, I subscribed to a publication called HOPE. It chronicled hopeful trends in our relationship with the environment and to one another. The publication did not survive. Why wouldn't such a publication survive? What does its demise say about our frame of mind in this country?

I would like for us to talk about insecurity. Insecurity, uncertainty, lack of self assurance. Many people don't acknowledge it, but

• Do you ever experience it?
• Are you comfortable admitting it?
• What causes it?
• How do you deal with it?
• Does it affect others? If so, how?

What are your thoughts and/or feelings on letting go of:

• relationships - spouses, lovers, friends
• kids
• companion animals
• homes
• stuff - objects, clothes, books, paper
• jobs, careers, roles, positions, status
• habits
• beliefs, convictions, opinions
• obligations
• anger, grudges, hurts
• youth - hair, teeth, body parts, bodily functions
• dreams
• life

Because our meeting is so close to St. Valentine's Day, it seems like a natural, and I have chosen "Love" as our topic. Among things we can consider are:

• Agape? Eros? What do you think of when you think of love? How do you define it as it applies to you?
• Could you live without being loved? Could you live without someone to love? What do you think that would be like? Do you know people in either situation, and if so how does it affect their lives?
• Could you live without someTHING to love? How would (or does) this affect your life
• What do you love, and what impact does it have on you? What would you do if you lost if?
• Can love be a burden? If so, how do you deal with it?

I'd like to talk about Memorable moments & Celebrations:

What is it that makes a day or moment memorable to you?

Have you had one of those moments that take your breath away and you feel so elated you know a celebration is needed?

Do you have days that are particular days you celebrate or remember throughout the year? What about holidays on the calendar-- which ones do you celebrate? Why? How?

Thoreau says he strives to "...live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." What practices do you have for living in the moment and celebrating those experiences?

The topic I would like to explore is: Who is my neighbor? Some questions I have wrestled with are:

• Can we choose our neighbors, or are neighbors determined by geographic proximity?
• Are there certain things we owe our neighbors and they us?
• How well ought we to know someone for that person to be a neighbor?
• Is there a limit, for practical purposes, to the number of people who would constitute a neighborhood?
• In the biblical parable of the Good Samaritan, you recall a man was set upon by thieves, robbed, and left for dead. Some local folks ignored his plight, but a foreigner bound up his wounds and took him to an inn and paid for him to stay there until he recovered. Then Jesus asks, which of these was neighbor to him who fell among thieves? What does this parable suggest constitutes being a neighbor?
• In the ten commandments, we are admonished not to "covet thy neighbor's wife" and not to "covet thy neighbor's goods." Why would such desires be considered detrimental to one's relationship with one's neighbor?
• It is my experience and my understanding from talking to others that many persons are being asked to volunteer and/or give money to alleviate the conditions and hardships of people whom they do not know personally and who may live on the other side of the world from them. Are such people our neighbors? What is our obligation to them?
The area of Elgin in which I live is called Eagle Heights. It is struggling to maintain the cohesiveness it once had as a neighborhood. The residents' association has a garage sale, a picnic, a clean-up of Tyler Creek, and quarterly meetings where speakers on issues of community concern share information. In order to be a good neighbor, should one belong to the association and take an active role in community activities?
• What do you think of when you hear the word neighbor?

We're meeting on Election Night and news, real and/or hyped, is being made throughout our nation. That's public news, noteworthy to the population at large. We've been inundated with that form of news all of our lives and from an ever increasing number of sources. We've each also received news of a personal, more private nature and starred in stories of our own that were "newsworthy" to family and others closely connected to us. I invite us to share examples of news that impacted our lives deeply on a personal level. Here's a sampling of questions to help get us started:

• What public news do you clearly remember from your childhood?
• At the time you received it, what public news seemed to affect you more profoundly than any other you had heard or read?
• Was there a piece of news, public or private, that altered the course of your life? If so, what and how?
• What was the worst news you ever received?
• Is there something that stands out as the best news you ever had? If so, what? If not, please choose something among your happy memories to share with our group.

The dictionary defines patriotism as "Love of and/or devotion to one's country." Is patriotism always a good thing? Is flying (or wearing) the flag, or not, necessarily patriotic or non- patriotic?

"Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may." -- Mark Twain

The topic is Pilgrimage -- Having a Sacred Summer.

Phil Cousineau maintains that the power of pilgrimage is that although we travel outward to new lands, at the same time we travel inward coming in touch with our deepest selves and return home with a greater understanding of what it means to be alive. Now that the summer season is upon us, we can invite the ways of soulful travel into our lives. This can be done on any trips that you have planned or simply time spent at the lake or in your own backyard.

• What feelings are evoked by your travel memories?
• Do they have connection to your life today?
• Have you ever gone to a place that is sacred to you? Where is that place and why is it sacred to you?
• Have you ever imagined yourself in a place that stirs your soul? How was that experience?

Why do we have racism? Why can’t we look past each other’s differences and just love one another? Discussion Questions:

• Do you think of people of color as being different from you?
• Do stereotypes enter your thoughts as you deal with people of a different race?
• Do you feel that many of the stereotypes regarding colored people hold true?
• Were you raised in a racially intolerant environment? How do you deal with your family now?
• How do you deal with people that are racially intolerant? Do you say something, or just let it go?
• Do you believe in white privilege, or should black people just get over it?
• Have you ever been nervous in an all black (or Latino, etc) neighborhood? How about when you are walking down the street, and come upon a large group of black or Hispanic teens?
• How do you feel about people like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton? Are they helping the cause of colored people or perpetuating the situation?
• Do you feel we can ever get past the racial problem?

If you could choose three people to bring back into your life -- whether gone through a move, or a life change or different paths or death -- who would you choose? Why? Is there anything you would like to ask them? Anything you would like to tell them?

I know this is an unusual topic but I have been thinking a lot lately about people not in my life now and what would I ask them or say to them if I had the opportunity to reconnect. As always our discussion may lead us down a different path, but I am fine with wherever we end up.

In his book The Sacred and the Profane, French philosopher Mircea Eliade claims that for primitive humans the everyday acts of life were never merely physiological, they were or could be sacraments, or communions with the sacred. Further he claims that all people religious or not, yearn to create sacred space or objects, points from which they can view the world and/or universe and from which they can gain understanding.

• What do you think? Are there objects, ceremonies or actions that offer communion with what is sacred?
• What does it take to make something sacred?
• Is anything sacred?

My topic is Second Chances. Recently, the Atlanta Hawks replayed the last 1:14 minutes of an overtime game which they originally won because the referees incorrectly ruled that a player fouled out when he had not. Obama and Clinton are making big noise about do-over elections in Michigan and Florida. Every new year is seen as a fresh start by a great number of folks. It seems that Americans are big believers in do-overs and second chances--witness Richard Nixon.

• Do you believe in second chances? Why or why not?
• How would it change your life if everything you did had a free mulligan?
• If you only had one do-over, what would you change about your life? Would you use it at all?
• Do you have a second chance mentality? For yourself? For others?

As an introduction to this topic, I’d like us to participate in a little test. No grades! We won’t even discuss the results unless individual members of our group want to do so.

Sometime prior to this week’s meeting, I invite you to deliberately look at yourself in a mirror. Please notice whether or not you change anything about your facial expression or posture either just before or as you see your reflection.

Questions for your consideration:

• Each of us presents an image of our self to others. How do you think others see you?
• How clearly do you think that matches the way you see yourself?
• Looking more deeply than physical appearance, how do you see yourself?
• How constant or mutable do you perceive your self-image to be?

I would like us to talk about solitude. My dictionary defines solitude as the state of being or living alone; the absence of human life or activity. Privacy and solitude are roughly synonymous

Here are several starter questions to begin the discussion. Please bring some of your own.

• Do you enjoy periods of solitude? Extended periods? If so, what does solitude do for you - why is it important? What would your life be like if you couldn't have it?
• Conversely, does solitude make you feel uncomfortable? Would you prefer to be with others as much as possible. If so, can you identify why that is?
• Several in our group live alone. Would you be comfortable sharing how that is for you? What are the positives and negatives?
• Do you think solitude can lead to boredom and depression?

We all face stereotypes every day. How do we deal with them? Discussion questions:

• Think about a situation when someone made a biased judgment about you or acted unfairly toward you because of your age, where you live, how much money you have, clothes you wear, skin color, etc. How did it affect you?
• What are stereotypes and how do they affect people’s lives?
• How do people learn to make stereotypes - can they be unlearned?
• What can we do to help reduce bias and stereotypes?
• How about the media and the portrayal of stereotypes?
• Can a stereotype be positive?

What kinds of situations are stressful for you? How does that stress manifest itself? What strategies do you find helpful in coping with stress?

My wife and I were discussing some of the events in our life in the past year, and feel we've had to deal with toxic things that we need to eliminate. The toxicity I'm talking about can exist in many forms - people, situations, jobs, habits, food, emotions, etc.

As I deal with some of these things in my life, I was curious how everyone else dealt with some of these things:

• People - we all know and deal with toxic people - at work, neighbors, friends, even relatives. They can suck the life out of you if you let them!
• How do you deal with them? What if they're a relative, or married to a close friend? If they can't be avoided, how do you reconcile that?
• Jobs - What if you work in a job that's toxic? This could be the career or just the place you work for. How have you dealt with that in your life?
• Emotions - We all have toxic emotions - anger, self doubt, jealousy, etc. Have you had a toxic emotion that has had a severe effect on your life? How did you deal with it?
• Habits - I have several - disorganization is the first one that pops into my head for me. Have you been able to break through a toxic habit? Do you still have one that you can't seem to beat?

What is trust? The dictionary defines trust as reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing; confidence. Some questions to consider:

• Are there different kinds, or degrees, of trust?
• Whom do you trust, and why?
• Has your trust ever been betrayed?
• What does it mean to trust yourself?

"The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him." -- Henry Stimson

"A man who doesn't trust himself can never truly trust anyone else." -- Cardinal de Retz

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." -- Goethe

"It is better to be trusted than to be loved." -- David A. Mackay

I would like to think the topic of violence. It has been on my mind a great deal lately since events at Northern Illinios University.

• What kinds of behavior do you consider violent? Must there be physical activity or contact with another person for violence to occur?
• Are human beings violent by nature? If you think so, what is the evidence? If not, how do some individuals become violent?
• Men seem to be more violent than women, although violence perpetrated by women seems to be increasing. How can these gender differences be explained?
• Some societies, ours among them, are more violent. Why would one society be more violent than another?
• Do less violent individuals or societies appear to be at a disadvantage in dealing with more aggressive or violent individuals/societies?
• Is there a relationship between power or the desire for power and violence? Is there a relationship between empathy and violence?
• Do you believe there is a relationship between mentall illness and violence? Are mentally ill persons more likely to be perpetrators or victims of violence?
• What has or could elicit a violent response from you personally? Do you believe that every person, even seemingly peaceful persons, at some point could be provoked to respond violently?